Years ago my girlfriend, now wife, told me she was pregnant and like many men, I panicked. I wasn’t ready to get married, so in attempt to be supportive, I told her I’d do whatever she thought was best. While I convinced myself I was being chivalrous, I knew she was scared and considering abortion.
My lack of assurance didn’t help save my child’s life as I left her to make the decision on her own.
I’ll never forget the day we arrived at the clinic; I specifically remember parking the vehicle and wanting to leave, but didn’t have the courage. I was too afraid, too afraid to have a child out of wedlock, too afraid to take responsibility. The procedure went quick, we were in and out within an hour; there was hardly anybody there. Immediately afterward I felt at ease, like, we must have made the right decision because it was easy. That feeling didn’t last long as my girlfriend’s physical recovery took several weeks. Soon after her physical recovery, she slipped into a depression consumed by guilt.
My anxiety about her health was mounting as I tried to keep it all a secret. I’ve never been so scared and ashamed of my actions…or lack of. Out of desperation we went to see a counselor and while his intentions were good, it was terrible experience.
It was shortly after that, God led us to Life Choices. I will never forget the first time we met with Amanda Perry. I thought I was making this visit to Life Choices for my girlfriend. Most of that initial visit was about her expressing where she was with her post-abortion emotions. It was towards the end of that visit when Amanda turned to me, asked me how I was doing, and handed me a brochure titled “Almost a Dad”.
I immediately broke down as I realized just how bad I was hurting.
Trying to be courageous for my girlfriend, I was in denial about my own feelings of what we had been thru. I knew then we were in the right place, right where God wanted us. I couldn’t attend church for a while out of shame, but the first time I did, my girlfriend asked me to go. The song, Amazing Grace was performed and I remember feeling God’s grace around us, like a warm blanket. I wept uncontrollably for two hours. I wept for the grace I felt from God, the grace I could not grant my unborn child. From there, with Amanda’s help, I began my own journey of forgiveness thru God’s grace. I met my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and he is Good. I can’t express the extent of my gratitude towards work being performed at Life Choices.
Forgiven
